“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one that gets burned.”


Anger burning like a hot coal. This is a photo of hot burning coals.

Anger Management

Anger is a normal part of the human experience. It’s okay to be angry in a moment. If you find that you are unable to let go of the anger or if you are easily triggered to become angry, then therapy might be right for you. Releasing anger is achievable!

Where does anger come from?

Many different circumstances can contribute to anger. There may even be a combination of different factors to create the feelings you are experiencing. Here are some of the most common factors causing anger:

  1. Frustration: When individuals encounter obstacles, setbacks, or challenges that hinder their goals or desires, they may feel frustrated, leading to anger.
  2. Stress: High levels of stress, whether related to work, relationships, or other aspects of life, can contribute to feelings of irritability and anger.
  3. Unmet needs: When individuals feel their basic needs, such as safety, belonging, or recognition, are not being met, they may experience anger as a result of feeling neglected or undervalued.
  4. Perceived injustice: Witnessing or experiencing unfair treatment, discrimination, or injustice can evoke feelings of anger and indignation.
  5. Trauma: Past traumatic experiences, such as abuse, neglect, or violence, can lead to unresolved anger and resentment.
  6. Conflict: Interpersonal conflicts, disagreements, or misunderstandings with others can trigger feelings of anger, especially when communication breaks down or needs are not being addressed.
  7. Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may be more prone to feelings of anger, particularly when they perceive criticism or rejection.
  8. Personality factors: Certain personality traits, such as impulsivity, hostility, or a tendency to ruminate on negative thoughts, can increase the likelihood of experiencing anger.
  9. Physical discomfort: Physical discomfort or pain, such as illness, fatigue, or hunger, can lower individuals’ tolerance for frustration and make them more susceptible to anger.
  10. Unrealistic expectations: Holding unrealistic expectations of oneself or others can lead to disappointment and resentment, fueling feelings of anger.

Understanding the sources of anger can help individuals identify triggers and develop effective coping strategies to manage their emotions more constructively.


Betrayal is often one of the many reasons people get angry, but the feelings of betrayal are often difficult to let go and move forward. People can be betrayed by partners, children, family, friends, bosses, and companies. It is a very specific type of anger, but one that can be processed and released.

Releasing Anger

It may feel impossible to let go of your anger, but it is possible. I will work with you to identify where you think your anger originates. From that exploration, we can determine an approach to lessen or even fully release the anger. Different factors will require different approaches. For many types of anger, I use somatic techniques which can have fast results. If you have anger from one event, you may be able to release that anger in just a few sessions.

Not sure where your anger comes from? In session, we will explore when and how you are triggered before beginning to process and release that anger. Unexpressed emotions from childhood events, including neglect and abuse, can trigger into anger as an adult. Resolving these earlier events can greatly reduce the triggers so the person is more calm and in control of their emotions.


Releasing anger is achievable. I’ve helped hundreds of clients process and release anger. In every case, when they feel that internal shift, they report that it feels like a weight has been lifted from them. They state they feel lighter and are able to have more neutral thoughts about the event that made them angry. Releasing isn’t about forgiveness of the other person or the circumstances. You don’t have to forgive anyone to release the emotional charge of anger. Releasing is about addressing the stuck emotions in your body that are causing you stress. Pent-up emotions put a lot of unnecessary stress on the body and affect how it functions. Anger is a stress.

Releasing anger also doesn’t mean you will never be angry again. Anger is a normal emotion. Holding onto anger for weeks, months, or years is not normal. Somatic tapping and brainspotting are two techniques I use to help you let go of your anger. How much longer do you want to hold onto it?

Ready for change? Email: